How Spock Saved The Enterprise With His Mad Skillz
by MondayMoon
Summary: In a universe where jazz music and touching butts is against the rules, one not-person is willing to boldly go where no one has gone before.


The big shiny room where people and not-people worked was quiet because that's how things were done on the Enterprise. The robots who had screens for faces were watching all of the people and not-people work diligently. On each of the robots chests were the rules that if someone broke they would be killed or maybe put in time out I don't really know because everyone just obeyed the rules. The rules were

1. LAUGHING IS NOT PERMITTED 2. NO LOOKING AT, ACKNOWLEDGING, OR TOUCHING BUTTS. 3. NO JAZZ MUSIC.

There was one not-person named Spock who was doing some really smart math shit because he had a really big brain and could totally do some like Einstein calculations if he really wanted to. But as one of the robot things rolled by him he got this thought that he didn't really like the stupid robot things and that they smelled like gross dirty oil and that it kind of sucked always having to obey the rules. See, nobody knew that Spock like totally loved playing saxophone. He would go in his room and slide under his bed and practice really softly so the robomen couldn't hear his kickin' skillz. And another thing. The Captain of the ship had a major badonka donk. Like seriously, if he wasn't supposed to look at butts, then why should Kirk where dem tight-ass pants that made that booty just scream "LOOK AT ME! DAMN I IS FINE"? And so as Spock contemplated his secret saxophone addiction and the Captain's fine behind, he decided that he wanted to share his thoughts with someone. So he got up, trying to be all chill around the robots so they wouldn't think he had a massive hankerin' for some hiney and some smooth jazz. He walked up to Doctor angry-all-the-time.

"Doctor, I think I may be coming down with an ailment."

Doctor Asshole pursed his lips and looked him over with his crazy eyes. "I ain't be knowin' whatcha be talkin' 'bout yeh green blooded hobgoblin." Doctor Meanie drawled.

"I think I may have a hangnail or something." Spock said, looking around at the robots and trying to look not-suspicious.

"Woo doggie, why didncha say so?" Doctor Anger-puss grabbed his arm and led him over to the space elevator. When the doors swooshed closed Spock turned to Doctor someone-pissed-in-my-cheerios.

"I have something to show you."

Spock reached into his pocket and pulled out this like weird looking metal thing which turned into a saxophone when he pressed a button because like wow it's in the future and shit like that is possible. Doctor woke-up-on-the-wrong-side-of-bed gasped.

"das fer devil music!" He made a cross symbol with his fingers and curled away from Spock. Spock played a super cool song on it and Doctor fuckwad gasped again "Why lord allmighty, that was mighty fine!"

Then Spock told Doctor Attitude all about how he loved jazz and that the rules were kinda dumb. Spock then admitted that he really liked the Captain's butt. Doctor Rude blushed and wrung his hands.

"I've gotta admit, that Captain o' ours DOES have a nice rear."

Spock and McCoy giggled into their hands like little school girls.

"That's it!" Spock said fiercely. "I can't take these rules anymore!"

Spock opened the swooshy door and stepped into the big shiny room. He held his saxophone over his head and let out a mighty war cry. Everyone looked at him and simultaneously thought "Aw shit isn't that a saxophone?" And about half of them additionally thought "What the fuck, his ears are pointy! Have they always been pointy? That is _so_ weird. And what's up with that haircut anyways? The 20th century rang, they want their bowl cut back."

Spock brought the saxophone to his lips and played a really rad solo that made a lot of people start banging their heads except for one guy who started crying because like it was just that awesome. The robots were looking at each other like "Wow, is this guy serious right now?" Except of course they didn't have faces and probably they didn't have independent thought but I bet if they had either of those things that's what would be going on. Spock stopped the solo and yelled to the room, "I love Captain Kirk's booty!" and then he walked over to Kirk. Kirk was looking at him with those princess eyes. Spock whispered really quiet, "Oh, Jim." And Kirk replied, "Oh, Spock-a-doodle-doo." And Kirk turned and shook his behind at Spock. Spock made a howling noise and poked the left cheek of Kirk's exquisite ass fat.

The robots were making some like really weird beeping noises and they were smoking. That one russian kid stood up in his chair and pulled a fucking guitar out from under his desk. He started shredding like a madman and the robots completely blew up. Spock started playing his saxophone again and every person and not-person in the shiny room laughed and danced and touched each other's butts.

the end.


End file.
